I'll have you know my 20 metre Ethernet cable is doing a good job. My laptop, iPad, and iPhone get crap signal up in the games room. The Xbox won't even connect wirelessly up there. We got a letter from virgin recently saying our speeds are going up from 50mps to 100mps. That's no good if the signal is too damn weak to make it upstairs properly.
Looks like I'm free Sunday eveninging. Will Monsly have fixed his internet by then? Will gim have yet another bumbling relative come to visit? Find out next time on Tales of the Playstation Network!
I think your problems go way beyound an Ethernet cable chap. Have you got any neighbours who are not on VM you can syphon some internets from? Even if they are 10 houses down you will probably still get a better connection.