I just took the most satisfying and well deserved dump of my life but this is a tale of not giving in to challenges and macguyvering your own solutions in the face of adversity. It all started yesterday while staying at another hotel near a client site. I ordered what was reported to be the best pizza in town. A claim made both by the restaurant and reviewers on Yelp. I was taken in by this bold claim, because pizza more or less tastes the same to me unless it's a specialty pie. Anyway the pizza I got was pretty good but real oily. After 3 slices I had to go to the bathroom and after crapping into the hotel toilet, I clogged it. Now I wanted to save myself the embarrassment of calling the front desk so I kept flushing it a few times after the water receded thinking it would clear up. I was so very wrong. I flushed probably 20 times and it still wouldn't drain right, the bowl would fill up and slowly drain over 10+ minutes. At this point (still last night) I looked up solutions, the easiest one was to pour hot water into it. So I filled my ice bucket with hot water and poured it in, no dice. I kept repeating this a few times but no go. At this point I was like fuck it, I'm going to bed. Then today I got up showered and went to work, I headed directly to the bathroom because I had to piss so bad. The plan of action was to take a shit at work, so I could try tier 2 strategic unclogging techniques at my hotel room. Of course, I didn't have any urge to crap all day and found myself back at the hotel around 6pm. I decided that I would give this one more shot, then call maintenance. Of fucking course, walking in I see the only attractive female at the hotel working the front desk today, and I was like fuck that. I will tend to this myself, or atleast wait till her shift is over and tell the overnight guy. I read online that pouring hot water and dish detergent should do the trick. I didn't have dish detergent, but I broke up small pieces of hotel soap, and poured my complimentary shampoo and conditioner in the bowl. I let it stew for 15 minutes while I left the hot water on so it would be as hot as I could get it. Then I poured the hot boiling water in after my chemical mixer, but no fucking go. Toilet was still clogged, hot girl still at the front des, and I started to feel the need to shit building up so I had to unclog this motherfucker fast. Not in my senses I thought about renting a room at the hotel across the block just so I could shit and compose my thoughts. But I decided it would be a poor investment, what I really need to invest in was a plunger. But I was pretty sure I'd crap my pants if I tried to hold it in much longer so I got a hanger from the closet, wrapped a towel around one end, wrapped the towel with Walmart shopping bag and hoped for the best. I held the long end of the hanger with one hand, and the handles of the walmart bag in the other. I plunged that shit into the toiled with brutal force of a very desperate person. After a few seconds it worked and the fucking toilet unclogged. Long story short, I am fucking awesome. And in case anyone dares to question my tale of greatness, I have a pic of my plunger attached!
Toilet plungers cost like $2. Why didn't you just buy one? What you told is an absolutely retarded story of someone who doesn't know how to unclog a toilet. You sound like my stupid Belgian roommate freshmen year in undergrad who managed to flood our room with a few inches of shitwater because he also didn't know how to use a toilet plunger or shut off the water running to the toilet. Roto rooter actually had to come and pump out our dorm room because of that mongoloid. I came back from class to find water running out into the hall. He was panicking and throwing a little hissy fit while I calmly walked in and shut off the water. I can only imagine how bad it would have gotten if I hadn't been there. None of my stuff ever smelled the same. I had to toss a lot of it. Do I need to have professor Nicholson come in here and give you a lecture on proper toilet maintenance?
I didn't flood the room. I just didn't have a plunger and eventually made a substitute. I would've had to call maintenance if it came down to it. It would be even worse if I walked past the front desk with my own plunger. Its this whole eco friendly toilet bullshit. You can barely put any tp in the bowl. This would not have happened in the 90s.
Are those the really shallow toilets you always see in like airports and restaurants? Those things are awful. They're so shallow that if you're not careful, you get shit on your hands trying to wipe. What happened to the deeper toilets designed for big american asses that take monster dumps?
Yeah my parents toilets are like made for 8 year olds they don't take men into account I keep complaining to them how when I sit and pee I gotta sit up but if I poop I gotta hunker down, I can't do both at once and it's quite annoying. I do not know how my 50 yr old father can stand it.
My house has big toilets designed for big American asses and I'm proud of it. The toilet in my guest bathroom is huge. I usually go in there after I've had a large Indian or Mexican meal. It's a monster toilet designed for monster dumps.
The UK is enjoying a little horse meat in their burgers today. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21034942
I have a monster toilet downstairs that uses some kind of compressed air tank to shoot the water down. I've never seen another like it.